I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
