I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
