I'm so fucking centered right now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
