Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
