im six kinds of drunk right now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
