Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
