I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
