a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize