happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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