Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
