I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
