Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
