Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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