If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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