So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
