I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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