Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you traded sex for a burrito?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
