Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
