you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
