Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
