Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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