i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
