dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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