Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
