someone threw a dead crab at me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
