You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
