You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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