One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
