end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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