I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
