Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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