Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
