he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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