Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize