There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
