the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
there is puke in my bra ... again
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