Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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