Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
