I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize