Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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