I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
