My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize