I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
