You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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