Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
