God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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