I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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