note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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