I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
