She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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