Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You are a genius and a whore.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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