Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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