I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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