I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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