guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The Olympian is in my bed
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