Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
