I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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