I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your dad touched me again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
