its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
