yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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