I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
