I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
