1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
