What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
