If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
