She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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