Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize