I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
