Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
