Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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